Goodtimes Email Virus
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream
goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics
to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave it's
socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will
put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide
your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and
shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your
back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those
things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous
and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave
bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with
your new snowblower.
Goodtimes will prompt your mother to call on Friday and Saturday nights
for two months after you make a new girlfriend/boyfriend. It will place
your wallet and keys on an obscure shelf in the basement.
It will emulate your face and stare into the neighbor's bathroom window.
Goodtimes has been linked to cancer in laboratory mice. 9 out of 10
dentists recommend Goodtimes.
Goodtimes will make your bloomers shrink two sizes, and it will make you
gain 15 pounds. If this results in a wedgie, then Goodtimes will
leave a nasty skid mark.
Beware! Good Times will do things to you that will make a horsehead in
your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch!