Through the course of our conversation, I discovered she was calling the monitor the computer and the computer the disk drive. So I clarified.

Tech Support: "Is the little gray tower with the slots in it plugged in?"
Customer: "No, but it doesn't need to be."

I helped her get the system working, but she returned it anyway. She said, quote, "I couldn't get no hard drives programmed into the CPU." The return was accepted without hesitation.