Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
User: "Yes, well I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
User: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",

Tech: "Went away?"
User: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
User: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"
User: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
User: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
User: "What's a sea prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
User: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
User: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
User: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
User: "Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
User: "......Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
User: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
User: "......Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of the computer."
User: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
User: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
User: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"
User: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
User: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"
User: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech: "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay we've got it licked now. Do you still have boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
User: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
User: Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
User: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."